Archives for posts with tag: Boring

…….That’s all I need to say.

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Ok… so this is really really lame so I’ll keep it short. I was shopping at The Bay at the local shopping mall and I decided to aimlessly wander over to the Ralph Lauren section because why not. I enter the section and automatically head for the brightly colored polo section. As usuall the annoying sales associate asks me if I need help finding anything, “Obviously not you retarded bitch… I JUST set foot in this section and judging by the look on my face right now I am bored out of my fucking mind because The Bay is a shitty waste of retail space that should be burned to the ground… I’ll let you know if I need help finding anything… FUCK!!” In reality I simply answered, “no it’s ok, I’m just browsing, thanks.” Usually the sales associates get the message of “just browsing”, which essentially means, “fuck off your annoying” but this girl didn’t seem to get it. I was surprised when her annoying voice began making sounds again. She started asking me about the weather… I turned around to actually face the source of the question and realized that this girl is actually really freakin’ hot!! The look on her face was priceless though. You know when a person of the opposite sex, (and is around your age), gives you that “stare” which spells out “HIOMGYOURHOT!!” It happens to everyone at some point… and we give that look to others ourselves at times. The convo went from weather to how I’m in design school to how her sister is an actress who acted in Twilight, (*PUKE*), to what kind of fabrics Ralph Lauren uses to how she might know my mom. This bitch was so lame… she was trying so hard to keep the convo going because I was becoming bored again and kept looking away hoping Ironman would come and save me or some shit. After about 10 min of looking at the same polo over and over again in order to make it look like I was doing something else instead of full on flirting with her I decided it’s time to run for my life. I said “it was nice to meet you my name is ______. See you.” She didn’t even give me her name… Uhhh wtf!?!?!? You started flirting with me, wasting 10 min of my life, and you don’t even leave me your name?? It’s not like I give a shit about you or anything but you are hot so there is nothing wrong with adding you on Facebook and meeting up and fucking then coming back home, deleting you from Facebook and never going to that store ever again. Seriously… some girls are so dumb. I seriously hope this girl stumbles upon this Blog and reads this post and then quits her job so I can go back and get some cool polo’s without getting tweaked out.

I’m leaving for Europe tomorrow. I’m also going with my parents… and younger brother who is not old enough to get into any clubs… word. I don’t really care though and I’m sure no one else does. Clubbing fucking sucks anyway. This trip is going to be one of those family trips. We will be staying at my grandparents house for 2 weeks and I just hope they have a fucking hot ass neighbor who has a massive rack I can hide away in… if she speaks English that would be a plus too… but maybe not, depends how you look at it…… I was going to write some epic shit that would make you never visit this Blog again but instead I started listening to Metallica which is way more important than this shit. Before I shut the comp down, go have one more jack-off-sesh on western soil I’ll briefly summarize what I was going to say any way.

“I wish Zombies existed amongst us. I also wish it was legal to carry around some form of weapon so that if you encounter a Zombie you are free to beat the un-living shit out of his diseased-walking-piece-of-shit-drooling-oozing-corpse. The only downfall would be that walking home at 3 am, drunk, on a dark path while blasting your iPod might be hazardous to your life.”

…It’s a Tuesday night… what the fuck else would I be thinking about… jeez.

(Images: Stills  from Zombieland)

I have been feeling pretty brain-dead lately and just ridiculously unmotivated in general which is weird because I am usually not like this but now thinking about it I assume this diet I am on must have something to do with it because all I eat is salads all fucking day and sometimes when there is no food in close proximity I just don’t eat for like 23 hrs straight but don’t get me wrong… I am not in any way fat… I am 5 ft 6 and weigh 59.5 kg but I have these nasty lil fat rolls going on which probably decrease my chances of making some hot bitch run up to me on the beach and fuck me in the sand right there on the spot while a bunch of 8 yr old’s building sand castles with their mommies near by get some live sex-ed which is a good thing because they need to learn that shit eventually any way except at school they teach it really lame and usually the teachers are nasty 40-year-old virgins who teach you about cocks and pussies in a boring monotone voice while showing scientific cross-section pictures of human reproductive body parts which is fucking as un-stimulating as it can possibly get… I think sex-ed needs to be much more intense and more realistic by having all the ugly chicks separated from the hot slutty LG’s in the class then all the faggot-ass-dungeons-and-dragons-stoner-smelly-greasy-ass-fuck-backwards-loser guys get to fuck the ugly girls while the cool American Eagle-popped-collar-jocks get to fuck the hotties because life is simply too short  to sit in a boring class learning about how to put a condom onto a banana which is fucking hilarious but not as hilarious as the fact that this has basically been one entire run on sentence which is not that hilarious at all. Over all it seems that having a diet for no fucking reason does not only make me an anorexic wanna-be but young kids don’t get the proper sex-ed that they need.