Archives for posts with tag: Die

Clearly it’s become cool to be a douche-bag, a choch, guido, roid monkey, bitch-ass-piece-of-shit-waste-of-human-life… or w/e else you wanna call it. One can usually find this type of crowd at the local clubs, shopping malls, gyms, the protein-shake section in Costco, Boy’s-Co, their mom’s house, your mom’s house, the bus, in their daddy’s BMW, etc… These roid-powered retards are the same kids that used to dress in all baby blue, baller caps and Sean John jeans that usually dropped bellow their ankles. The style and general stature has changed a bit so if your having a hard time assimilating then your in luck. Here is a detailed list of what to do, how to act, what to wear, and so on, which should get you started and on your way to being the sickest, most tanned and jacked brah to be hitting the nightlife scene.

Here is a list of stuff and shit in no particular order.

Save up for a couple months so you can afford like… 3 Christian Audigier T-Shirts… it’s important to make sure you get the most be-dazzled kind so you can sparkle in the club and look really masculine… plastic sparkly shit on your tight T-Shirt makes you a man. And ya… make sure the T-Shirts are tight… usually finding a size or 2 smaller does the trick and if you wanna take shit to the next level check out the kids section. If you have a couple 100 $’s left then I would recommend getting a pair of  True Religion jean’s… Monarchy, J & Company, Rock & Republic, Ed Hardy and Bauhouse are good options as well. Just like the T-Shirts make sure your jeans are tight enough to push your nutsack right up into your stomach.

Get a fake tan. Nothing is more gangster then rollin to the local tanning salon and picking out the most orange colored option. Do this several times a month until you look like a fucking carrot.

Spike your hair. Use a whole bottle of hair jell and just spike that shit. A good chochy hair-doo is like a porcupine… no one wants to fuck with a porcupine. Headbutting should inflict serious damage to an opponent.

Treat women like you would treat a peace of meat at the supermarket… which is on sale because it is probably filled with tapeworms.

If your dad has a sick car then do all it takes to convince him to lend it to you on Friday nights. If your dad is as broke-ass as you are then take the bus… just sit there all bad-ass looking… make sure all the old ladies on the bus know you own this fucking bus.

When you dance you need to go fucking ape-shit and beat the beat… basically just use the hand that you normally use to jack off with and pretend there is a 8 ft tall black guy behind you and just jerk that shit.

Have two cell-phones. When you text or talk while switching between phones it looks like your a big-fucking-deal.

Wear one of those Gucci over-the-shoulder fanny-pack things… they are boss. Usually you can put so much shit in them like your wallet and a condom which you have been carrying around for over a year because no girl has yet realized how fuckin sick you are and volunteered to fuck you… fuckin skanks.

Get inked. You have to. Get it all over your body… at once… because your only truly gangster when you end up in the ER puking your brains out because you have ink poisoning. What would be really fucking sweet is like getting a tan and muscle definition tattooed onto you so that it looks like your tanned and jacked but in reality its just one whole-body tat. That would be fucking extreme.

Wear nike shox because they go well with track suits, designer jeans and basketball shorts.

Rock sick biker shades at all times… all the fucking time… even when it’s pitch black outside. Fake versace’s will do the trick.

Take roids because they fuckin get you crazy jacked. Working out is for lil bitches who have nothing better to do with their lives. Being jacked gets you mad bitches & keeps all the goofs in check. Even better, if your connected & still have money left over get a gun. You can’t get harder then that. You never know when you will wanna use it…like if some grandma honks at you just fucking point your gun at her. Haters gotta know whats up!

Lastly be fucking as obnoxious as possible. Make sure everyone knows how fucking sick you are at any time… like when your mom makes you go to sunday mass or some heaty location like that.

Choches are such fags… fuckung die you meat-headed-fucks!

Most of the world is pretty fucked up but most of the world is also on the same page with regards of wanting to take the first hipster in sight and throw him/her into a cardboard compactor. Not to be harsh or anything but Hipsters are so.fucking.annoying!! Even more annoying then typing.with.periods.instead.of.spaces.to.emphasize.how.epic.the.situation.is. Whats the point of being hipster? Like seriously? I understand the point of being a skater, prep, nerd, goth, punk, emo, thug, thug-wanna-be, guido, hip-hop, urban, kinda-hip-hop-&-urban-but-preppy-at-the-same-time. There are tons of styles that are either awesome or stupid but still have some point behind it. Even emos have some legitimization. Emo guys for instance… sure they look pretty gay and pinner and stuff and whatever but they get emo girls… and just girls in general… hot girls secretly love emo guys… which pisses me off but lucky them I guess. But emo girls… damn!! Im not talking about the nasty, fat whores that look like trolls…

 (No I’m not gonna “fuck off”… I’m gonna stand there and stare at how fucking fat and disgusting you are and then make sure to tell all my friends about the time I saw your fat, ugly ass at wallmart. Why would you even wear a top like that? Why would you be that fat? Why would you be so fucking hideous? What a puke-indusing way to get attention).

… but I’m talking about those super cute, innocent-but-slutty-looking-at-the-same-time girls with the cute bangs and poofy hair.

(If you don’t feel like getting with this chick’s under-age ass then there is seriously something wrong with you)

So anyway… hipsters suck. Period! I hate those eco-friendly hipsters the most… the ones that wear all earth tones and hiking boots. Girls I know, who dress like that, look like shit. An outfit would basically be a loose-fitted beany, (hung on the head like an old ballsack), some ugly brown, greenish, blah scarf, (that was probably found moulding away in a dumpster outside sally-an’s), some green or brown knit dress, a second-hand leather jacket, wool tights, thick wool socks and fucking hiking boots. Oh we can’t forget the huge glasses that magnify the fuck out of their eyes. URGH!! Why would you purposely try to make yourself look like some nasty old lady that never got laid. It’s beyond me. And when you call a hipster a “hipster” he/she will usually get pissed and state in protest, “I’m not a hipster… dude, leave me alone”……

“Uh yea…”dude”… you are a fucking hipster… why would I call you one if you’re not… go get high and down some PBR you dirty loser… and blast some shitty fucking music like Mother-Mother… and just wait… someone will probably shoot you eventually.”

In conclusion hipsters are pointless… the girls are ugly, their music has no balls, they dress like shit, and they do weird things like sit in circles on the sidewalk and jerk each other off. It’s not the 60’s any more. Stop trying to be hippie. Die. Thank you!

Well well… it’s May 21st!! According to that fucking retard, Harold Camping, the Rapture is supposed to go down at around 6pm tonight, (Pacific Time). I wonder what Harold Camping is planning on doing on Sunday morning when it turns out that nothing unusual happened at all and the world just continues to be the same, monotonous piece of shit that it has been for the last several years. What about all those morons who spent their live savings, quit their jobs, dedicated their “last” couple days to the cause of this media stunt??? How pissed will they be! But seriously… you have to be pretty dumb to believe some radio host, who was already wrong in 1994, that the world is going to end and full on spend your life savings, or retirement money, on the spot. It’s almost as if these people want the world to end… I mean yea life kinda sucks sometimes but being massacred in some freak-earthquake is definitely not a better alternative… unless you’re a fucking psycho… which, in that case, you deserve to have 50 stories worth of falling glass from a skyscraper disintegrate your body.

On Sunday morning I would not be surprised if there was mass suicides. Some of these Judgement Day supporters clearly reallllly want to go to heaven… which basically means they want to, and are ready/stoked to die. When they realise that it was all a hoax and they are unfortunately still alive on earth they will probably kill themselves any way.

Being a Catholic myself I hate this kind of shit. I hate when people take religion and use it against their own kind. If you want to go to heaven so bad right now then just go fucking kill yourself and see where you end up.

See you all on Sunday morning.

It’s so annoying when your driving along on the highway, driving at a normal highway speed like 120km/hr, and you can see in the rear-view a pair of lights coming closer very quickly. The gaining vehicle suddenly swerves from behind you into the other lane, somehow managing not to flip over. As the car passes by you notice it’s the biggest piece of shit within miles of road. It’s usually either some shitty civic hatch, a delivery van, an F350 which is held together by duct tape or some champ in a minivan. Seriously… WTF is your problem. I think it’s an issue of compensating for having a shitty vehicle by driving faster then people with normal or sweet cars. “Ya my car sucks giant ass but look how big my fucking balls are while I pass your car at 140km/hr on this highway. My speedometer doesn’t even show 140km/hr but fuck it. I’m so fucking sick… my other car is a Porsche I swear.”
Sorry buddy… we all just think you are a crazy redneck who is so pissed off with life that you feel the need to show how many pistons you can blow in a quarter-mile. Get back in the slow lane where your dirty ass along with your piece of shit on wheels belong. Then go to your trailer park home and do some crack… or just drive even faster until your car explodes… it would make everyone more happy. What ever you do do not try and race everyone on the road because no one gives a shit.