Archives for posts with tag: Loser

Clearly it’s become cool to be a douche-bag, a choch, guido, roid monkey, bitch-ass-piece-of-shit-waste-of-human-life… or w/e else you wanna call it. One can usually find this type of crowd at the local clubs, shopping malls, gyms, the protein-shake section in Costco, Boy’s-Co, their mom’s house, your mom’s house, the bus, in their daddy’s BMW, etc… These roid-powered retards are the same kids that used to dress in all baby blue, baller caps and Sean John jeans that usually dropped bellow their ankles. The style and general stature has changed a bit so if your having a hard time assimilating then your in luck. Here is a detailed list of what to do, how to act, what to wear, and so on, which should get you started and on your way to being the sickest, most tanned and jacked brah to be hitting the nightlife scene.

Here is a list of stuff and shit in no particular order.

Save up for a couple months so you can afford like… 3 Christian Audigier T-Shirts… it’s important to make sure you get the most be-dazzled kind so you can sparkle in the club and look really masculine… plastic sparkly shit on your tight T-Shirt makes you a man. And ya… make sure the T-Shirts are tight… usually finding a size or 2 smaller does the trick and if you wanna take shit to the next level check out the kids section. If you have a couple 100 $’s left then I would recommend getting a pair of  True Religion jean’s… Monarchy, J & Company, Rock & Republic, Ed Hardy and Bauhouse are good options as well. Just like the T-Shirts make sure your jeans are tight enough to push your nutsack right up into your stomach.

Get a fake tan. Nothing is more gangster then rollin to the local tanning salon and picking out the most orange colored option. Do this several times a month until you look like a fucking carrot.

Spike your hair. Use a whole bottle of hair jell and just spike that shit. A good chochy hair-doo is like a porcupine… no one wants to fuck with a porcupine. Headbutting should inflict serious damage to an opponent.

Treat women like you would treat a peace of meat at the supermarket… which is on sale because it is probably filled with tapeworms.

If your dad has a sick car then do all it takes to convince him to lend it to you on Friday nights. If your dad is as broke-ass as you are then take the bus… just sit there all bad-ass looking… make sure all the old ladies on the bus know you own this fucking bus.

When you dance you need to go fucking ape-shit and beat the beat… basically just use the hand that you normally use to jack off with and pretend there is a 8 ft tall black guy behind you and just jerk that shit.

Have two cell-phones. When you text or talk while switching between phones it looks like your a big-fucking-deal.

Wear one of those Gucci over-the-shoulder fanny-pack things… they are boss. Usually you can put so much shit in them like your wallet and a condom which you have been carrying around for over a year because no girl has yet realized how fuckin sick you are and volunteered to fuck you… fuckin skanks.

Get inked. You have to. Get it all over your body… at once… because your only truly gangster when you end up in the ER puking your brains out because you have ink poisoning. What would be really fucking sweet is like getting a tan and muscle definition tattooed onto you so that it looks like your tanned and jacked but in reality its just one whole-body tat. That would be fucking extreme.

Wear nike shox because they go well with track suits, designer jeans and basketball shorts.

Rock sick biker shades at all times… all the fucking time… even when it’s pitch black outside. Fake versace’s will do the trick.

Take roids because they fuckin get you crazy jacked. Working out is for lil bitches who have nothing better to do with their lives. Being jacked gets you mad bitches & keeps all the goofs in check. Even better, if your connected & still have money left over get a gun. You can’t get harder then that. You never know when you will wanna use it…like if some grandma honks at you just fucking point your gun at her. Haters gotta know whats up!

Lastly be fucking as obnoxious as possible. Make sure everyone knows how fucking sick you are at any time… like when your mom makes you go to sunday mass or some heaty location like that.

Choches are such fags… fuckung die you meat-headed-fucks!

It’s so annoying when your driving along on the highway, driving at a normal highway speed like 120km/hr, and you can see in the rear-view a pair of lights coming closer very quickly. The gaining vehicle suddenly swerves from behind you into the other lane, somehow managing not to flip over. As the car passes by you notice it’s the biggest piece of shit within miles of road. It’s usually either some shitty civic hatch, a delivery van, an F350 which is held together by duct tape or some champ in a minivan. Seriously… WTF is your problem. I think it’s an issue of compensating for having a shitty vehicle by driving faster then people with normal or sweet cars. “Ya my car sucks giant ass but look how big my fucking balls are while I pass your car at 140km/hr on this highway. My speedometer doesn’t even show 140km/hr but fuck it. I’m so fucking sick… my other car is a Porsche I swear.”
Sorry buddy… we all just think you are a crazy redneck who is so pissed off with life that you feel the need to show how many pistons you can blow in a quarter-mile. Get back in the slow lane where your dirty ass along with your piece of shit on wheels belong. Then go to your trailer park home and do some crack… or just drive even faster until your car explodes… it would make everyone more happy. What ever you do do not try and race everyone on the road because no one gives a shit.