Archives for posts with tag: Puke

Hey everyone! It has been a long time since I posted any random and useless thoughts on this blog and I know you all miss it… right??? No?! Yea I don’t blame you. Summer has just sucked way to much to even motivate myself to express how much it sucked on this blog. First of all it wasnt even a fucking summer… it was cold as shit, rainy, gay, and I wanted to find mother nature and kick her in the box. It started getting warm just when all the kids had to go back to school… hahaha suckers! The real reason why summer sucked is because I STILL have not found a fucking job in the design industry… I worked as a landscaper instead. No offence to landscaping but I have a fucking degree… landscapers are usually fucking retards who failed highschool because they liked to wear baggy clothes and get high during class time. I worked my ass off in school just so I could avoid this situation… yet it found me anyway. Fuck you life! What was the point of trying hard? Last time I checked the reason you go to University is so you can fuck hot bitches, get smashed, educate yourself and have a guaranteed position waiting for you once your done… why else would I put all that effort and money into the piece of shit post secondary institution. The Dean is prolly laughing his fucking ass off! Snatching all my money and sending me out on my ass 5 years later with no nothing. I know complaining is no use but apparently sending my resume & portfolio to countless companies over the last 6 months wasnt any use either. Am I cursed or something? Has my life destiny been preprogrammed to be a garbage man after all? I’d rather puke on my balls and smash my face into the mirror untill… untill… I don’t even know any more. I’m rocking to heavy metal now because it takes away my anger… or makes me more angry… I donno. Maybe I should just go join the Forces and blow shit up with heavy weapons.

I’m leaving for Europe tomorrow. I’m also going with my parents… and younger brother who is not old enough to get into any clubs… word. I don’t really care though and I’m sure no one else does. Clubbing fucking sucks anyway. This trip is going to be one of those family trips. We will be staying at my grandparents house for 2 weeks and I just hope they have a fucking hot ass neighbor who has a massive rack I can hide away in… if she speaks English that would be a plus too… but maybe not, depends how you look at it…… I was going to write some epic shit that would make you never visit this Blog again but instead I started listening to Metallica which is way more important than this shit. Before I shut the comp down, go have one more jack-off-sesh on western soil I’ll briefly summarize what I was going to say any way.

“I wish Zombies existed amongst us. I also wish it was legal to carry around some form of weapon so that if you encounter a Zombie you are free to beat the un-living shit out of his diseased-walking-piece-of-shit-drooling-oozing-corpse. The only downfall would be that walking home at 3 am, drunk, on a dark path while blasting your iPod might be hazardous to your life.”

…It’s a Tuesday night… what the fuck else would I be thinking about… jeez.

(Images: Stills  from Zombieland)

Appppparently that new Twilight Eclipse movie came out recently and all the 19 year old + girls in my school wont stop raving about it and showing their love for Jacob in their facebook status updates, etc…

As annoying as it is to see/listen to, I think the worst impact of the Twilight Saga is the fact that it’s turning all the, now maturing, females back into LG’s. I don’t think they realize how retarded it looks when a 20 year old girl is like “OMG Jake I heart you, OMG OMG OMG TWILIGHT!!!”…. what are you??… Fucking 12? First of all Jake doesn’t exist, it’s a fucking actor who probably doesn’t even give a shit about your ugly, 20 yr old-LG-wanna-be-facebook-attention-whore ass anyway because he is probably fucking someone way hotter. Secondly, these girls are lowering their overall appearance which directly leads to guys, who would of been interested in them, wanting to puke instead. The Twilight fans don’t seem to be bothered by this because they now don’t appreciate regular guys anymore. I assume it’s because regular guys are not vampires or werewolves. Clearly for a girl to like a guy these days he needs to be all pale, flat faced and blood craving or turn into a hairy, diseased, carnivorous beast which would gladly shred any girl it sees into a pulp.

I kind of wish some of these bitches actually attempted to date a werewolf… maybe after getting their face ripped off they would learn to shut the fuck about stupid, lame, corny movies which are only meant to make pre-pubescent girls wet their diapers.

Twilight books work very well as camp fire starters, bonfire starters, house fire starters or as targets for a .50 cal machine gun.