Archives for posts with tag: School

About two years ago I went to my girlfriends, (at the time), house for a Halloween party. I was there early to help set-up, have lunch, fuck, pretend to help set-up, fuck some more and then get my drink on. Once all her gay-ass loser friends came over the party was on… even though it could barely be defined as a party because her friends were seriously so fucking gay. We played this drinking game called “I never”… basically everyone forms a circle and has their drinks ready. When it’s your turn to speak you have to say “I never” followed by something sexual, ridiculous, gross, awesome, etc… “I never broke into a barn at 3 am, while high on Meth, and fucked a horse”, would be a good example of what can be said. Anyone in the circle who has actually done what the person said has to have a drink… then it’s the next persons turn & so on & so forth.

Any way… I ended up taking lots of drinks because everything anyone said they never did was something I deff’s did… I guess I’m fucking nasty that way. It didn’t take too long before I was hammered out of my mind and really bored at the same time. I needed an escape! Suddenly it came to me… I need to take a shit! Awesome… I’ll just slip into the bathroom and drop a champion ‘cuz why not.

So this just had to be one of those shits that never end… just keep coming & coming & coming in one continuous log. After what felt like hours of pain, I was done! I then scoped what the fuck just got dropped into the toilet. Being drunk & all I didn’t think that it would be any issue flushing this bad boy… so I flushed… then came the horror. The water swirled, the log shifted a bit… and then stopped. FUCK! I was freaking out… imagine the situation… I am dating this dumb bitch who likes to make a big deal out of everything and to make matters worse she goes to my school. Her roommate also goes to my school. A bunch of people are over as well. I started searching the washroom for something I could use as a plunger incase. I gave it another go. FLUSH!…. Nothing, nothing….noooothing….finally, seconds before the flush cycle finishes, the shit goes down. Phew! What a relief. I made sure to wash my hands and go get more crunk.

I still try to imagine what would have happened if it never flushed and just flooded all over her washroom during a Halloween party. I’d come out all drunk and shit, “excuse me guys but I have a lil’ problem in here… I took a shit and it wont flush…. yeaaaaaa. Can one of you girls help?”

Shudders*

So just remember… take a shit before you go to your girlfriends house!

… I have no idea why this memory came up… all I know is that I’m so glad I’m not dating that bitch any more!!!

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It has been about a month and a half since I graduated with a Bachelor’s Degree in _______ Design. I did well in school, made good connections, built a strong portfolio, gained fantastic experience and felt like I was ready to go out and grab that dream job. LOL!!!! I have never felt like a bigger loser in my life. Here I am… with this “education”, “skill set”, “bullshit”… yet no one really wants to talk to me. And I’m not even alone on this… most of my graduating class is in the same shit hole, same with other graduates from other programs that have nothing to do with any type of design. It’s the same at every job… even gay-ass-shitty-jobs that I wouldn’t even want… they want a min of 5 years of experience in the industry. WTF!! Fuck you industry!! If I could I would gladly deliver a min of 5 blows to your fucking head with a baseball bat. How is anyone supposed to get this “5 years of exp” if no one is willing to hire fresh graduates??? If they do hire us the pay is so bad that we can barely survive off it. I think the design industry is a piece of shit… why did I get myself into it… I should have gone to business school or engineering or someshit. Design companies are cutty as fuck… the bosses or art directors want you to do as much as possible but pay you as little as possible… forget benefits of any kind. They make it seem like they are doing you a favour for allowing you to work for their company. It’s such bullshit.

Any way I need to get back to writing more cover letters and searching endlessly for any bitch ass job I can get. Fuck.

If Judgement Day actually comes on Saturday I hope enough shit gets fucked up that getting a job will be the last of anyones worries.

…. oh yea… that thing we call school… fuckkkkaiasjaishjinaunsuph!!

I’m really really sick so I did not end up going to school today so, instead, I took meds and slept in which is definitively a better alternative then educating myself. But since the U.S. government created H1N1 the school health ministry has stated that, “if your sick do not think of coming to school because since you are basically a disease infested, God-forsaken, zombie child you will probably get everyone else sick and then the whole school will be full of zombies and shit will blow up and it will be the end of mankind.” – The Canadian Ministry of Health.

So, for the sake of mankind, I have decided to stay at home instead of being one day ahead in my design education. Any way… when I finally decided to drag my ass out of bed I grabbed today’s paper and read this dumb article about how Shark attack survivors are at the UN trying to stop over-killing of Sharks because the Sahrks are close to extinction. The reason for over-killing: Shark Fin Soup… WTF. How fucked up is this story?? Seriously!?!? People who have lost limbs, and almost died, because some ugly-ass mutant fish fucked their shit up, are focusing their life on one thing: Saving those ugly-ass mutant fish. Now the reason they want to save their water-dwelling arch enemies is because a bunch of people in China crave shark fin soup… which probably smells and tastes like fucking shit. It’s not even shark soup… the mother fuckers only use the fins. That’s why Shark fishing is really just called “Finning” because the fishermen catch the beast, cut it’s fins off then send it back into the water. Wow. If your gonna catch a Shark you might as well use all of it. In my opinion the best solution would be to do a trade. If you want to, for whatever reason, eat Shark Fin Soup then you need to do an exchange. The Shark get’s it’s fins cut off so you can eat some bunk-evil-cruelty-supporting-vile-vomit-tasting soup but in order to eat it you need to get your legs, arms or ears cut off so the mutilated Shark, which provided you with it’s fin, can eat your flesh. It’s only fair right?

This whole story is so messed up. It’s like having Holocaust survivors protesting against Nazi hunting because the amount of Nazi’s left in this world is close to extinction. And the reason for Nazi hunting would be so that the Nazi’s heads could be sold as kitchen table decorations for American families.

Go World!
I’m gonna go back to being sick… I wonder if a bowl of Shark Fin Soup will make me better… or just kill me on the spot???