Archives for posts with tag: Shit

About two years ago I went to my girlfriends, (at the time), house for a Halloween party. I was there early to help set-up, have lunch, fuck, pretend to help set-up, fuck some more and then get my drink on. Once all her gay-ass loser friends came over the party was on… even though it could barely be defined as a party because her friends were seriously so fucking gay. We played this drinking game called “I never”… basically everyone forms a circle and has their drinks ready. When it’s your turn to speak you have to say “I never” followed by something sexual, ridiculous, gross, awesome, etc… “I never broke into a barn at 3 am, while high on Meth, and fucked a horse”, would be a good example of what can be said. Anyone in the circle who has actually done what the person said has to have a drink… then it’s the next persons turn & so on & so forth.

Any way… I ended up taking lots of drinks because everything anyone said they never did was something I deff’s did… I guess I’m fucking nasty that way. It didn’t take too long before I was hammered out of my mind and really bored at the same time. I needed an escape! Suddenly it came to me… I need to take a shit! Awesome… I’ll just slip into the bathroom and drop a champion ‘cuz why not.

So this just had to be one of those shits that never end… just keep coming & coming & coming in one continuous log. After what felt like hours of pain, I was done! I then scoped what the fuck just got dropped into the toilet. Being drunk & all I didn’t think that it would be any issue flushing this bad boy… so I flushed… then came the horror. The water swirled, the log shifted a bit… and then stopped. FUCK! I was freaking out… imagine the situation… I am dating this dumb bitch who likes to make a big deal out of everything and to make matters worse she goes to my school. Her roommate also goes to my school. A bunch of people are over as well. I started searching the washroom for something I could use as a plunger incase. I gave it another go. FLUSH!…. Nothing, nothing….noooothing….finally, seconds before the flush cycle finishes, the shit goes down. Phew! What a relief. I made sure to wash my hands and go get more crunk.

I still try to imagine what would have happened if it never flushed and just flooded all over her washroom during a Halloween party. I’d come out all drunk and shit, “excuse me guys but I have a lil’ problem in here… I took a shit and it wont flush…. yeaaaaaa. Can one of you girls help?”

Shudders*

So just remember… take a shit before you go to your girlfriends house!

… I have no idea why this memory came up… all I know is that I’m so glad I’m not dating that bitch any more!!!

Seriously… the amount of rain that Vancouver gets every year could easily supply the rest of the world with fresh drinking water. No one here wants all this water. We are sick of water… if I have to look at water again I might puke. Never knew it could be possible to be sick of water… which is fucked because water is pretty much the most important thing in life. There is this girl who I went to school with and she actually hates water. She won’t drink water unless it is mixed with juice, syrup, kool-aid, stuff, pee & other things. She said that water tastes disgusting… it’s like saying, “no I can’t breathe normal air… it’s so fucking gross… man I fucking hate air… I’ll only breath if it’s like mixed with fabreeze, fart or exhaust from an old broken down Ford diesel.” What a dumb bitch.

But yea… Vancouver is stealing the world’s water. Vancouver is the reason there are skinny little children in Africa that are on the verge of dying 24/7 due to a lack of water… fucking Vancouver. We don’t do anything productive with this water either… just sell it for tons of money to stupid Americans in the form of drinking water or hydro power.

I hate Mondays…

When I first created this Blog, about a year ago, I did it mainly out of boredom and just wanting a place to rant about random shit that makes no sense and be able to come back two months later and re-read all the bullshit I posted and laugh, or cry, or finally realize that I’m a huge asshole that needs to cheer up and do something more productive with my life… whatever. Any way… at first I didn’t expect to have any views what so ever because I, A) didn’t give a shit, B) because I didn’t feel like actually taking the effort to promote this Blog & C) because this Blog doesn’t really revolve around one topic that would interest enough people to actually search for or continue visiting this Blog.

To my surprise I have been gaining the amount of views per day and now I see that many people are actually reading this gayness.

I just want to take this opportunity to say thank you for reading and/or re-visiting my Blog. There are probably 100,000,000,000,000,000,987,348,690 better ways to spend your time like lighting your penis on fire while beer-bonging Drain-O.

I guess I will continue to write whatever the fuck comes to my mind 🙂

…….That’s all I need to say.